ah, shaddup my face

I was too embarrassed to show my face around Surfdom for a few days last week after leaving a stupid self-pitiful comment there. I mean, the post was about another blogger who died, and I managed to try and make it about me. Cringe. I’d been in the last throes of PMT, and feeding into that had been the sudden and inexplicable estrangement of a sibling, making me feel worse than usual. Mostly when I have PMT I am careful not to traipse around the blogosphere leaving petulant whiny comments that probably do nothing but confirm people’s suspicions of my rampant narcissism. And the trouble with my whiny comment was that it’s not even true. I do have nice friendly email chats with other bloggers or readers from time to time, and frankly I’m often the worst offender as far as being unsociable goes. People have sometimes made efforts to involve me in the blogger community and have been rebuffed. What's more I’m a terrible emailer, usually lurching inappropriately from gushy to curt (though I do a nice line in flirty banter that leads nowhere).
So I don’t really know what I was trying to say, except that I was feeling bleak and desolate that day and probably a little melodramatic. (I notice that in almost all the sketches that I drew on Tuesday, I am scowling.)
It’s hard to talk about suffering from PMT when many people think it’s all in the mind. I still have a bone to pick with the female academic (whose name escapes me) who came out last year insisting that women just make it up. In my family they speak in hushed tones of my ‘feral' PMT, which roughly equates to rapid cycling bipolar disorder, tending to buffet me between two extremes: ogre of positive energy and ogre of sad energy. Sure, a hormonal mood disorder is all in the mind. Like other hormonally influenced mental states, say puberty, menopause, postnatal depression. None of which exist and all of which are just female excuses for bad behavior, right? Stupid academic. “Well I don’t get it myself, so it mustn’t exist!”. Man, that really stuck in my craw. Anyway, back on the upswing now so blogging should pick up again (and self-pitiful comments should cease). And I have to crawl back to Surfdom with my tail between my legs anyway, as I have some (ahem) serious posts to put up soon.