Saturday, July 10, 2004


I think I was prompted to write the post below because I've been thanking my stars lately that everything went so well with the pregnancy and birth, and that things are generally going so well for us now. I do feel lucky, because a close friend miscarried recently, and some of my other friends in their late 30s are having trouble getting pregnant at all. And that's why I wish I'd had kids earlier--because yeah, I would like more and being 33 already, realistically, it may not happen. On reflection I do kind of regret saying that things I did in my 20s felt like a waste of time, because I think all of it--work, study, travel--makes me the person I am today. And maybe I'll be a better parent for it. Still, you can do all that stuff once the sprogs are at school, but you don't get much of a window for having babies. It's a vexing situation.
I also just want to clarify something: I don't at all regret having had a baby out of wedlock. Sorry to disappoint the Right. What I meant when I said "obviously I'd prefer to be in a relationship with someone I love next time" is not that solo parenting isn't wonderful, because it is. It's a lovely dynamic--just the two of you. Mind you, not everyone thinks so--I've encountered some stigma regarding being a single mum and co-sleeping, for example: The other day I was speaking to someone at Tresillian (government subsidised parenting centres) because I'd been having a few nights where I was getting groped every hour or so and I thought hmm, maybe I do need a bit of help with this 'sleeping through the night' bizzo. Anyway, the woman wanted to guilt me into coming the centre so she started hinting that perhaps we were co-sleeping to satisfy my own needs (oh sure, anything to get a man in my bed) and she said babies who co-sleep end up with separation anxiety. Bollocks. I've never read that in any of the books. Anyway, I did let her book me in for mid-September because I figure by that stage both me and Harley will be well and truly ready for our own space at night. But for now, I stand by my earlier position that this just feels comfortable, feels instinctively right, and I'm sure there's plenty of cultures where everybody does it and nobody ends up with separation anxiety.
Anyway, to get back to my point--obviously life is nicer when you're in love, and obviously it's a nice thing if you have a baby with someone you actually love. It's not rocket science, and it's not a sign of latent conservatism either.
Lastly on this subject, I mentioned to my friend who suffered the miscarriage (but who remains very stoic about the whole thing), that I'd put up a link to a site I came across recently, so here it is: chez miscarriage. Tagline: "who says infertility can't be funny?".